Edward Elric and the Wizarding World - Book 1: The Philosopher's Stone
by lardpies
Summary: Edward Elric can't decide whether to gaze in awe at all of the magical things around him... or to throw a fit and destroy it all. How was he supposed to know that the Bastard was a wizard? Read as Edward changes the lives of those around him... with a single clap. Crossover. AU
1. Chapter 1

A/N ··· This is a medley of several different FMAverses. Father (2009) is here, and Selim is Pride. Father is defeated, but not dead. Winry is 4 than Ed. (NO EDWIN, YOU CRAZY PEOPLE!) Ed is Colonel and Mustang is Fuhror. Edward doesn't get his flesh arm and keeps his alchemy (2009). Alphonse gets his body back. Envy is their elder brother. Events/Years are bumped up several decades. (E.g., Oct 3 1994). Sloth is Trisha. Mustang doesn't go blind and Havoc doesn't get stuck in a wheelchair. They (Ed and Al) do everything within a year of joining the military, so Ed needs to actually do things. He joins at 10 rather than 12, so his age lines up with the Hogwarts letters.

Anyways, for HP differences: Quirell tries for the stone earlier, so HoHo makes an appearance as the schools temp. D.A.D.A teacher. No Gilderoy! Explores more of the nicer aspects of Snape and Draco. Harry doesn't immediately dismiss Draco's obvious hints at needing a friend rather than a goon because he's a Slytherin. Hermione and Harry become friends first, before Harry and Ron.

Anyway, just in case you get confused. From now on, A/N's will be put at the end rather than the beginning. Here goes the story.

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Words: 884

Chapter 1

"Home isn't where the heart is... it's where the soul belongs."

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Edward looked for the billionth time at the piece of paper held in his gloved hand. He couldn't imagine why he recieved such a letter. It read, very succinctly, "Everything you did to get your brother's body back could have been avoided. Alchemy means nothing. Fuck you. :D."

Granted, it didn't really say that, but his mind refused to compute it as anything but an insult. His teeth grinded together. The shimmering green ink glittered innocently up at him.

"Lieutenant Colonel Hawkeye? Could you burn this, please?"

He'd been recieving these letters every day for two weeks. Riza knew what they were for, and she knew why, but she complied without hesitation, because he had just recently become her commanding officer. She sighed, taking the offending paper and throwing it in the fire place. As soon as she did, however, the fire turned green and a head popped out. Then came shoulders... then a torso... and finally two, beefy hands lifted the rest of his hulking form out of the green fire.

"'Lo there. Are ye Edward Elric?" He asked the Colonel. Without waiting for a response, the large man held out his hand. "I'm Reubus Hagrid, tha gamekeeper fer Hogwarts. Dumbledore sent me ta retrieve ya fer gettin' yer stuff."

Ed stared at the hand, then looked behind the brutish man (a feat most would think impossible) to Riza, seeking assistance. When she offered none, he sighed.

"As you can see... I'm busy. So leave now, before I make you," Ed said in the most respectful voice he could muster. In the one month he'd been Colonel, Riza had drilled in manners and paperwork much like she had for their current Fuhror - with a bullet that hit too close for comfort. He was now employing his newfound art towards getting the man to leave.

The hulking stranger, instead, took a seat. Edward sighed yet again. Being an eleven year old, he still had his moments of impatience... especialy when people grated on his frazzled nerves. His eyebrow twitched, and his automail leg hit against the floor, tapping like a nervous tick. The room stayed silent for several tense minutes. When it appeared that Hagrid didn't know what to say and that Edward wouldn't say anything, Riza cleared her throat.

"Sir, I know what is going on. Your guardian, Mrs. Rockbell, told Fuhror Mustang about your father several months ago. I believe your father should explain everything. But I'd advise you to go with Mr. Hagrid."

Ed glared at her. She stared back passively. After several more tense moments, she handed Hagrid a folder. "This has all of his medical information as well as emergency contacts should anything happen. I recommend sending an owl to the Fuhror should anything happen. He's a pure blood, so no attacks should involve him. Keep him away from trouble but respect his military rank. He must wear his uniform at all waking hours." She noticed the burly man was having trouble getting it all and gave a small smile. "Don't worry, it's all written there. His vault is number 378. Don't let him get anything from there other than books and money. Don't let him oversleep and if he begins to slack, don't be afraid of doling out punishments."

* * *

Hagrid and Ed arrived at the Leaky Cauldron - a pub and inn in the Wizarding World - by the Floo Network. The golden eyed boy felt queasy and covered his mouth. His green complexion faded back slowly, and he swallowed down the bile.

"Yeh get used ter it once yeh've done it fer a while."

Edward gave the big man a look which clearly _read 'I will not do that again, so I've no need to get used to it.' _"So what do we need to do?" He asked. Hagrid grinned.

"I'll show yeh."

* * *

They were in back of the pub, facing a red brick wall. With a flourish, Hagrid raised his pastel-pink umbrella. He tapped a random pattern on the bricks, and they opened up to reveal a bustling shopping center. Women with children hurried about, waving their wooden wands and shoving away the straggling men.

"We've gotta get yer moneh from Gringott's. Remember..." Ed tuned the man out, only catching the words 'Sickle and Galleon.'

They reached the vault, and Hagrid asked the goblin manning their vault to open it. He did so, and Edward gaped. In front of him were piles of gold coins - galleons, his mind supplied. On one side, he saw books upon books, written by the same author - Cederev Lite Henohemm. Ed knew from the books that he and Al had burned along with their house that it was Hohenheim. The bastard.

Hagrid handed him a sack and a small satchel. "They're charmed. When yeh stick yer hand in the sack after yeh've filled it with coins, it has a deeper bottom sp yeh can put more. Dumbledore told me ye can put about 50000 galleons in there. And the satchel be the same."

Ed grinned. At least he'd have money. Hagrid explained the currency again, but Ed skillfully tuned him out. When he noticed the gruff voice stop, he asked the question that had been plaguing him since the start of this fiasco.

"Mr. Hagrid... how exactly do we _get _to this place?"

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A/N: I was going to write more, but felt that last sentence was a good note to leave it on... it's short, I know. But trust me (okana iru kara~) it won't stay short. Just like Ed, it will grow.

Anyway, took me three days for this. I want to start doing double - or even triple! - the amount for my next chapters. So calculate that and then add another week or two, cos I'm a lazy bum. :3

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**"Everything you did to get your brother's body back could have been avoided. Alchemy means nothing. Fuck you. :D." - **this is what Ed's (very creative) mind replaced McGonagall's letters with. Magic would have made Alphonse's suffering not happen... so Ed throws a mini tantrum every time he sees the letters.

**"As soon as she did, however, the fire turned green and a head popped out."** \- burning the letter (which was rigged, cos Dumbles is an old man and we all know they get impatient lol) activated an advanced form of Floo Network, which activated under Hagrid's feet.

**"In the one month he'd been Colonel, Riza had drilled in manners and paperwork much like she had for their current Fuhror..."** \- we all know Ed can be charming and charismatic when he wants to be... Riza just made it 24/7.

**"Cederev Lite Henohemm."** \- not very creative, but Hohenheim is known for his misdeeds in the Wizarding World, if he published under his given name... let's just say he'd have more than gossip to worry about.


	2. Chapter 2

Due to the long authors note in the first chapter, I neglected to put any form of disclaimer up. I don't own these two, so here's the proper disclaimer...

Disclaimer: I, in no way, shape or form, do not own Harry Potter, nor do I own Fullmetal Alchemist. They belong to J.K. Rowling and Hiromu Arakawa respectively. I am doing this for recreational purposes and recreational purposes ALONE. That said, here comes the story!

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Words: 1120

**Chapter 2**

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Hagrid spared the eleven year old boy a confused glance before nodding in understanding. "Well, yeh go to Kings Cross Station in London. Few miles thataways-" he pointed to a random point behind them "-and to yer left. Then ya go ta Pla'form Nine'n Three Quarters."

Ed gave a nod. At least it was simple enough. They walked on in silence until they reached Madame Malkin's, a robe tailors. At this, Ed jumped back. He turned around, but just before he could get away, he felt Hagrid's beefy hand grab at his small greatcoat. He balked. "I'm not wearing a dress. At ALL. You'll have to hold a gun to my head."

Hagrid said nothing, pulling the eleven year old by the sleeves of his royal blue greatcoat. His constant manhandling caused one of the decorations to fall off of his breast pocket, and Ed frowned. He picked it up and looked at the shape. It was a salamander, signifying his ability to keep his cool when things got heated. This, among many other decorations and plaques, was awarded because of the war against Father.

As he got down on his knees to pick up the golden badge, he sighed. Being calm was boring. He wished Riza didn't know when he misbehaved. He sucked his teeth derisively as he glared at the store front.

Hagrid lead him through the door and they heard a jingle. Hagrid barely gave the bell-sound a passing thought. However, when Ed looked for the source, Hagrid grinned. "Magic," was his simple reasoning. It was grating on Edward's nerves, the constant dependance on magic. His eye twitched in annoyance, but he needed to stay calm.

"Oh, Hagrid! Back so soon? I thought Albus only sent you for Harry!" said a small, tubby woman. Her breast was emblazoned with small, delicate curliques of writing, spelling out 'Madame Malkin'.

"Yep. This 'ere is Edward Elric, Trisha's boy. Remember her? Nice lass, she was." Hagrid responded thoughtfully.

"Ah. Yes, I do remember her. She was very helpful - made me proud to be a Hufflepuff." With that statement, she smiled, puffing her chest out. "Though it is a shame she had to get hitched with such an evil man."

Hagrid grinned. "Well, this is her boy. He's going to school."

The woman smiled kindly. Her eyes twinkled, and she led him to a stool. Edward frowned. "I need my uniform on at all times. So I need another set. I can always transfer the badges." The woman tsked sadly. She shook her head.

"I suppose you only need the robes then. Very well. Mister Malfoy, an attendant will be seeing to you."

It was only then that Edward noticed the pale boy. He was lanky and slim, with white-blond hair and slate grey eyes. Pale eyelashes framed his eyes, currently staring at him with reckless abandon. "Hello. My name is Draco Malfoy. What's yours?"

Edward grinned. "Edward Elric."

Draco's eyes widenned comically, his mouth forming a silent 'O' of astonishment. He stuttered before relinquishing his hold on the conversation. Instead, he brought up a subject he was comfortable with - Hogwarts Houses. "... I'm probably going to be in Slytherin. It's where most of my family's gone since Salazar's time. I wouldn't mind Ravenclaw, though. It is where anyone with half a wit should end up. But I shudder to think that they'd even think about putting me in Hufflepuff. That house is for ninnies and pansies."

Edward knew only the barest information on the houses, and, though he was loathe to admit, he felt he'd very much like to go to Slytherin. It was the house for those of a cunning mind, the house for those who would go to no end to see their goals met - and goddammit, he'd travel dimensions if he needed to, just to achieve his goals.

"What house do you want to be in, Ed?"

He was jolted from his reverie by the question. He answered immediately, not even having to think. "Slytherin."

Almost immediately after his revelation, he was pricked in the side. He jumped up. "Ouch!" He looked at the woman - Madame Malkin... he needed to remember that. She knelt down, face frozen in shock. Ed touched her shoulder to get her attention, but instead of gaining said attention, he was whisked away into a torrent of thoughts.

_'He's going to be just like his father evil evil evil man he's evil evil nononono he's touching me touching me nonononono!'_

Ed immediately retracted his hand. He stepped off of the stool, backing away slowly. "Uh... Hagrid... I think we should go, the robe's done already."

Hagrid nodded. They left their money on the seat, leaving behind a mortified seamstress and potential friend.

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The duo found themselves standing outside of Ollivander's. The sign was worn and whithered with age. "Well, in yeh go."

Edward stared at the giant man. "Aren't you coming with me?" he asked, face betraying worry. The unheard message was clear - 'What if he acts like Madame Malkin did?'

Hagrid waved his worry away with a swat of his beefy hand. "Git'n there." He ushered the boy inside and before he shut the door, he said "Yeh need yer wand, boyo."

Ed was left in the dark shop. He stood stock still before a man came up to him. His electric blue eyes seemed to stare daggers into his soul. "You're here for a wand, I presume?"

Ed nodded, golden eyes watching the man warily. "Wand arm?"

Ed look quizzically at the man. Ollivander stared back. He sighed. "Writing arm?"

"Oh. I'm ambidextrious."

Ollivander seemed to think on this before ordering him to lift up the arm he wrote better with. Ed raised his left arm, and a yellow measuring tape snapped out of the air. It began to take measurements of the strangest parts of his body - his nostrils, the width between his toes. Finally, with a snap, it disappeared into thin air. The man nodded and waved his wand in the air. Three boxes lifted themselves into the air before landing on a stool. He opened one delicately, reverently handing the golden boy a light)brown wand. "Yew, 10 inches, unicorn hair. Just give it a wave." Before he could, Ollivander snatched it from his hands. "No, no good. Try this."

He handed him another one. "Holly, 8 inches, pheonix-tail feather."

Thus was the routine until Ollivander handed him a worn box. "I will not touch this. Maple, 13 inches, Thestral hair. It was made for death."

Edward gasped as he picked up the wand. He caught glimpses of green, and of his father. "May I ask... who owned this wand before me?"

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A/N: next chapter, we learn why Hoho is taboo. We also meet Harry and Hermione. Next chapter also brings some surprises.  
Many people have asked about my last chapter AN. Err... it was a typo (I am typing on my cellular :O). Winry is 4 YEARS OLDER than Ed.

**Review Response time!  
**  
**Guest -** First off, thanks for the lengthy review! I like 'em long. ;-). Ok, I think some may be alive, but I don't know how it will go, seeing how I am typing as I go. Ed will now be a slow burning candle rather than an immediate spitfire of anger. Also... Envy will probably attack him... I think. And yeah, hehe, he probably is.

**ClawsofLust (Guest) -** please read the authors note. And Lust may be alive. Greed is Ling, so yeah... he's alive. Thanks for reading.

**BulletWitch1985 (Guest) -** Quite alright. Yeah, it was fairly obvious than Henohemm was Hohenheim. But Ed seems to know. And also hehe, bad neighbors. I live in the ghettos of Jersey City, and deal with cat calls when I walk to the bus stop. Unconfortable at best. /nods/ I feel your pain ono. And yes, it is rather disjointed. But Ed is 11 and still impressionable.

**Faliara -** hehehe ... /scratches head/ i know. Lol, my writing style hasn't changed much since I started. It has been nearly 3 years. Hopefully this one... isn't as rocky? My writing style has barely changed though, so I've no idea.

**Sam's Laptop -** hehehe... can't tell. You'll find out pretty soon.

**Guest -** I explained this discrepancy earlier. And no pairings... unless you squint. Edward and Winry's relationship is purely platonic. In this story, Edward is like a younger brother to Winry. Also, it is noted that Hagrid has travelled (at least once) by Floo in the books. He' as big as you think, and remember, Central HQ fireplaces - from what I've seen - are bigger than average. And I figured it was as clear as could be. He needs to do desk work, assign troops, et cetera. He is a Colonel at this point - he has troops and needs to go on missions other than those relating to the Philosophers Stone. Yes indeed. Pinako explained about Hohenheim. However, Trisha wished to be excluded from the Wizard World. It's explained in a spinoff titled "Our Secret." So... yeah... that's a spoiler.

**ReginalDC21 (Guest) -** thanks! Envy will probably develop a platonic, older brother relationship with Ed later throughout the story. Some are alive, some aren't. I believe Ed will indeed be a hellraiser. :3 in a different way, though. Also, Hoho has a valid reason for not being there in the story, so their relationship becomes more Fatherly. And yes, parental!royed will be here because I am a sucker for that. ;-)

To anyone I missed: thanks for the reviews! I certainly read them all. :3 Thanks!


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I, in no way, shape or form, do not own Harry Potter, nor do I own Fullmetal Alchemist. They belong to J.K. Rowling and Hiromu Arakawa respectively. I am doing this for recreational purposes and recreational purposes ALONE. That said, here comes the story!

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Chapter 3  
**Words: _1017_**

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_**"There are things worse than death."**_

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Ollivander's eyes widenned considerably. He jerked away, before muttering to himself. Finally, he motioned for the boy to sit.

"It was in this very shop. A young boy, who, just like you, was learning of magic for the first time, came into the room. He gave me the strangest look when we couldn't find a wand. So, just for him, I tailored a wand. The combination came to me, and I toiled endlessly for three days and three nights. Finally, I gave him the wand. Maple, 13 inches, Thestral hair. I asked his name. He said to call him Van.

"Several years passed by. He soon, as I learned, developed a strong passion for the dark arts. He used my wand to cause pain and torment. Pretty soon, the Daily Prophet had him on the front page daily. Things died down when he married a Hufflepuff girl named Trisha. I can tell just by looking that you're his son. A year after his marriage, he came to me. He gave me his wand and told me to give it to someone worthy. For **15 years**, I've held onto it. I almost gave it to the Boy-Who-Lived, but a voice told me to hold back."

Edward nodded. He now knew why the woman had gotten so scared - hell, he'd be scared if he turned out like his father. He thanked the man and asked how much it cost for the wand. He named a price and Ed lay the money - 3 galleons - on the counter. He made to leave but was stopped by the man. "May I ask, boy, if it's no trouble, what is your name?"

Edward stared at the man. "Edward. Edward Elric."

* * *

The rest of the shopping expenditure went without a hitch. Edward salivated over the books at Flourish and Blotts, and cringed at the sour smell of the Eeylops Owl Emporium.

Hagrid insisted he buy an owl. After much deliberation, he found himself with a dark, small owl with piercing green eyes. When asked what he would name him, Ed responded with a grunt. "Maes. That's his name. Maes."

He was sent to live in a muggle household. They'd given birth to a young witch, and thus they were privy to the Wizarding World. He and the girl, Hermione, had immediately bonded over the sanctity of books. The weeks rolled by fast, and soon the hustle and bustle of life gave way to that of getting ready for school.

"So how exactly are we going to _get_ to Platform Nine and Three Quarters?" Ed asked Hermione. She gave a sniff of disappointment.

"We walk through the pillar separating platforms 9 and 10. Honestly, the one book you chose not to read, and it had to be Hogwarts, a History." She gave a sigh. Her parents sat next to them on the taxi, muttering to themselves about a trip to Niagara Falls. Hermione ignored them, going back to her book.

Edward snorted. "It was boring. Why should I care about why the ceiling looks like the sky?" He plucked at his royal-blue greatcoat in annoyance, playing with the golden tassles absentmindedly. He glared out the window for the duration of the ride.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, they were at Kings Cross Station, along with another family. Ed watched as the man, fat and beefy, grinned derisively and wagged his finger before exchanging a few heated words and leaving with a stick of a woman and a fat boy. The kid they left behind looked frightened, and Ed watched as Hermione walked to him.

* * *

Harry's face brightened when he saw a young girl walking to him, cat in hand. She smiled, extending a hand. "Hi! You're here for Hogwarts, right?"

He could only nod as she gave him a reassuring pat. She motioned for him to follow, leading him to the pillar separating platforms nine and ten. He found himself staring at a blond kid with honey eyes and a royal blue oufit. He stared at the... skirt... until he heard a gruff '_ahem_'. He looked at the blond boy, who was... glaring... at him. From then, however, a mutual understanding blossomed between the two boys. 'Don't **_say anything about the skirt, and I won't mention the weird scar. Got it?_**' His eyes alone seemed to convey this highly detailed message, and Harry nodded.

"Well, I'm Hermione Granger," Hermione said, breaking the tension and slicing through it like a knife. She motioned for the blond to introduce himself.

He immediately stood straighter. "**Colonel** Edward Elric."

Harry could only stare. That explained the stars on his shoulder and the amount of decorations covering his breast, but still... _what about the skirt?_

Hermione, once again, broke the tension. "Well, we should get going, then. It's almost eleven o'clock, and the train will be _packed_ if we don't get there soon. Come along."

She grasped her trolley, walked calmy on and simply... disappeared. "Let's do it together so you don't chicken out."

Harry was startled when the short colonel spoke. He nodded.

They walked briskly, making sure no one was looking, then pushed their trolleys through...

...and ended up on the other side. Harry gazed around in wonder, taking in the hustle and bustle. Edward had gone to talk with a blond kid and Hermione had left to get a compartment for the group.

* * *

"Hah, I _was_ pretty stunned when the tailor froze up like that. Didn't want to impose upon her or anything, so I left."

Edward was discussing the events that had happened the weeks prior to September 1. He and the pale kid, Draco, had hit it off immediately. He glanced up when Hermione motioned to them. She had found a compartment.

Ed asked the blond boy if he'd be willing to sit with them, and surprisingly enough, he refused. When Edward asked why, Draco explained that his father didn't like mudbloods and would most likely legally disown him if he made friends with one. Ed shrugged.

"But, Edward... we can meet up inside the train, right?"

Ed nodded. No use in promoting grudges and discrimination, right?

* * *

**A/N:** Hello, hello, hello! I am simply... appaled! Thank you for the reviews, favorites and watches. They mean so much to me!

18 reviews! YAYZ!

Okay, so...  
Burkins and Blotts - not sure if this is the book store or the jelly beans... so... book store.

EDIT: I've edited some things, so... yesh. Thanks for the info.

**Review Response Time!  
****  
Breyannia** \- owo I can't say anything about that lol

**ToxicKittySaurus** \- Yeah, it is pretty fast, but I feel like if I slow down, it won't be as interesting. :3

**Audrey Siobhan (Guest)** \- Alphonse is still younger than Ed

**Guest** \- haha, I know when someone's trying to rile me up. Anyway I'm trying to find that book too - I've read it before, I just need to find out where... ono... and as a Major under Mustang's command, he didn't do much other than the search for Philosophers Stone... also, the spinoff is on the site now. You can search for it. And I'm pretty sure you're not as easily confused as you may think. :D because if you are, then I'm super confused right now.

**Dalilt** \- yes, he is. And Envy is a Homunculus - he is what was created after Hohenheim attempted Human Transmutation on their son who died from Mercury poisoning. So he's pretty much around 400 years old - way past 17. :3

**... It won't let me say the name, but you know who you are. You have .rin in your name sho...-** haha, please don't faint! You'll miss the story!


	4. Chapter 4 - I'm Terribly Sorry

I apologize for the delay, but this story is going off the air. I can't go anywhere with it - I set myself up for disaster, taking on such a big project. I'm sorry for all those who waited on this. I'll make it up to you, I PROMISE!


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